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I will not torment the emotionally frail.#Bart Simpson-Writing 500 times on the board#12385
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he's in _france_ man. it's just like america; just with better accents and more smokes.#Joe Kiniry-#9158
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Never stand between a fire hydrant and a dog.#-#19915
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Jack Neafsey's Fourth Law of Reality: Never get into fights with ugly people. They have nothing to lose.#-#16688
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If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid seeing yourself in the mirror, because I bet that's what REALLY throws you into a panic.#Jack Handey-#14605
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Automobile: A four-wheeled vehicle that runs up hills and down pedestrians.#-#3230
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It's an awfully long 90 minute movie.#John Dobbin-#16296
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I read the news today, Oh boy...#John Lennon-#11685
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It's not hard to tell we was poor, when you saw the toilet paper dryin' on the clothesline.#George Lindsey-#16507
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If I wanted to talk to myself, I could do that in the shower.#Joel Franklin-#13916
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It doesn't matter if you win or lose... until you lose.#-#15746
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He's strange, he's sloppy, he's a total nightmare for women. I can't believe I haven't slept with him yet.#Reality Bites-#9220
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In the good old days physicists repeated each other's experiments, just to be sure. Today they stick to FORTRAN, so that they can share each other's programs, bugs included.#Edsger W. Dijkstra-#15338
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I would like to suggest that you not use speed, and here's why: it is going to mess up your heart, mess up your liver, your kidneys, rot out your mind. In general this drug will make you just like your mother and father.#Frank Zappa-#12474
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Gnagloot, sniglet: A person who leaves all his ski passes on his jacket just to impress people.#-#8192
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It may bring new kinds of emotional disturbances and mental illnesses.#-#16067
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Conversations are the currency with which we negotiate our own future.#-#5103
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Never look back. Somethin' might be gainin' on ya!#Satchel Paige-#19863
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No man is rich enough to buy back his past.#-#20152
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Lovely girls are terribly insecure. They are convinced that their legs are too thick, and their bottoms are too big, and their bosoms are too small. They are conviced that their nose is the wrong shape, that their ears stick out, and that their eyes are t#Richard J. Needham-#18047
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I come from a small town whose population never changed. Each time a woman got pregnant, someone left town.#Michael Prichard-#10399
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I don't hate women... I just tend to get confused and stepped on by them... that is why i said I should join a monestary... I figure they could at least protect me.... course my luck, soon as I joined they would start having mixers" with some convent of b#-#10548
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Can I draw you a beer# Norm?" "No- I know what they look like. Just pour me one.""#19
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I'd hold my breath, but I'd rather you hold yours.#Greg Plesur-#12602
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If you want to build a ship, don't drum up people together to collect wood and don't assign them tasks and work, but rather teach them to long for the endless immensity of the sea.#Antoine de Saint Exupery-#14852
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Like excrement, it contains enough undigested nuggets of nutrition to sustain life for some.#Dennis Ritchie-#17738
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My parents went into cyberspace, and all I got was this lousy tee shirt.#-#19569
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May you always have more than your enemies: a seven-year itch lasting fourteen years, a twenty-four-hour catarrh lasting six weeks, a bigger hernia, a fatter goiter.#-#18517
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Movers do it in the van.#-#19226
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Credit is what keeps you from knowing how far past broke you are.#Zingers-#5191
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If there are epigrams, there must be meta-epigrams.
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I used to think I was poor. Then they told me I wasn't poor, I was needy. Then they told me it was self-defeating to think of myself as needy. I was deprived. (Oh not deprived but rather underprivileged.) Then they told me that underprivileged was overuse#Jules Feiffer-1965#12118
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Losing a wife can be hard. In my case, it was almost IMPOSSIBLE!#-#17944
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Childbirth is _not_ a miracle. Life is _not_ sacred. When you have twenty thousand nomads huddled between two rivers in the Middle East and that's it for Homo sapiens, when one in five children is a live birth, one in ten living past the age of ten, then #Dave Sim-#4602
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Gualtieri's Law of Inertia: Where there's a will, there's a won't.#-#8541
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It takes zero politically correct assholes to screw in a lightbulb because they are perpetually in the dark...#Dennis Miller-#16133
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I'm anonymous. Help me.#-#12905
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Cat law: Make your mark in the world. Or at least spray in each corner.#-#4422
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Mazola corn goodness...#MST3K-#18675
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He who binds himself to a joy, does the winged life destroy; but he who kisses the joy as it flies, lives in eternity's sunrise.#William Blake-#9005
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College is like a woman --- you work so hard to get in, and nine months later you wish you'd never come.#-#4819
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File deletion is forever. Welcome to the future.#Unix-Haters Handbook-#7441
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If you go on with this nuclear arms race, all you are going to do is make the rubble bounce#Winston Churchill-#14635
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He thought he could print more than two copies, but he hadn't counted on... Fitzbo!#Jon Bennett-#8967
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I was going to procrastinate, but I put it off....#-#12225
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Excuse me, but, didn't we go to different schools together?#-#7194
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I refuse to get cable. That's how they keep tabs on you.#-#11716
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From Harper's index: at current rate of increase, all americans will be overweight by 2059. Isn't extrapolation fun?#Robert Harley-#7859
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Anyone who stops learning is old, whether at 20 or 80. Anyone who keeps learning stays young. The greatest thing in life is to keep your mind young.#Henry Ford-#2794
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LEFTY GOMEZ'S LAW: If you don't throw it, they can't hit it.#-#17290
