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Hors d'oeuvres, n.: A ham sandwich cut into forty pieces.#-#9708
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If something's not fun, why do it?#Chuck Yeager-Press On#14197
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A vacuum with nipples.#Otto Preminger on Marilyn Monroe-#1469
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For visions come not to polluted eyes.#Mary Howitt-#7717
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Apple I (c) Copyright 1767, Sir Isaac Newton.#-#2860
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All great ideas are controversial, or have been at one time.#-#1940
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Le coeur a ses raisons que la raison ne connait point.#-#17247
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My other terminal is a chunk of sh*t too.#-#19559
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He has a woman's name and wears makeup. How original.#Alice Cooper on Marilyn Manson-#8875
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Cleanliness is next to impossible.#-#4722
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Documentation is the castor oil of programming. Managers know it must be good because the programmers hate it so much.#-#5978
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Canada. 51 weeks of winter followed by a single hockeyless week of summer.#-#4354
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Don't speak about Time, until you have spoken to him.#-#6247
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Just to have it is enough.#-#16916
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Kiwis rule the waves, and Dennis Connor waives the rules.#-#17050
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Does Windows 3.1 come with a Hard Drive?#-#6014
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If you can't laugh at yourself, I'll laugh at you.#-#14506
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If you go to school with 1,500 kids in cheap chinos and brew-thru tshirts, 50% of them wear baseball caps and %75 percent like emmet swimming while %23 prefer pearl jam, how many people do you know that totally suck? Also, if %97 of the girls squeal a LOT#Kristiina Wilson-#14640
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If you stay up all night wondering where the sun is, it will dawn on you.#-#14775
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Everyone believes in the power of positive thinking. So do I. I think everything positively stinks.#-#7038
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My greatest fear is that one of the candidates will actually win.#-#19465
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If you didn't get caught, did you really do it?#-#14542
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Eulogy, n.: Praise of a person who has either the advantages of wealth and power, or the consideration to be dead.#Ambrose Bierce-#6805
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Get found, kid!#Robert Fulgham-#8061
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California bugs the hell out of me. An entire state, the largest state in the Union, consisting of people who are oblivious to the fact that they live in hell.#Kyle Baker-Why I Hate Saturn#4260
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Eat every cookie as if it was the last cookie.#-#6572
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I'm afraid your sandwhich, however, didn't make it... (burp)...#Paolo Sivilotti-#12886
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Lung live tobacco.#-#18078
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As long as war is regarded as wicked, it will always have its fascination. When it is looked upon as vulgar, it will cease to be popular.#Oscar Wilde-#3040
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A warning to the wives of baseball players. No matter HOW ANGRY your husband makes you, never slap the face of a man chewing tobacco!#-#1482
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Lisa Marie's found out Neverland" refers to their sex life."#David Letterman-#17779
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Neestiko arkoudi dhen horevee.#-#19738
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I am. Therefore, I think. I think.#-#10176
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In the stairway of life, you'd best take the elevator.#-#15368
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Bacchus, n.: A convenient deity invented by the ancients as an excuse for getting drunk.#Ambrose Bierce-The Devil's Dictionary#3277
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If ignorance is bliss, why aren't there more happy people?#-#13946
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I'm joking 75% of the time in person, but only 25% of the time on the computer. I think richard is the probably 50% in person and 25% on the computer. Whereas I would rate Adam as joking 95% of the time in person and 50% on the computer.#Steve Bondi-#13025
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He's the kind of guy, that, well, if you were ever in a jam he'd be there ... with two slices of bread and some chunky peanut butter.#-#9224
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I'm sure that if there were a death penalty more people would be alive today.#N. Reagan-#13294
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Logic is the art of going wrong with confidence.#Joseph Wood Krutch-#17850
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If life deals you lemons, why not go kill someone with the lemons (maybe by shoving them down his throat).#Jack Handey-#14048
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Faith goes out through the window when beauty comes in at the door.#-#7300
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Anyone who thinks otherwise is a moron, because I said so.#Matt McIrvin-#2796
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A gift of flowers will soon be made to you.#-#861
