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A flying saucer results when a nudist spills his coffee.#-#797
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Let's just say my Curious George doll is no longer curious.#Friends-#17403
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Is there not more to life than getting stuff? And getting more of it, Bigger of it, Faster of it, and then stuffing what you can't use now somewhere so you can use it later. If this is so... what a sad routine. How really very very sad. ON THE OTHER HAND.#Richard Stine-#15670
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May you never develop rheumatism, so you can scratch away till you're ninety.#-#18576
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Love and marriage may go together like a horse and carriage, but when was the last time you saw one of those?#-#17965
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Avez-vous la plume de ma tante? Ne travaillez jamais! (This is an actual piece of grafitti in Seattle....)#Megan Coughlin (translation: Do you have my Aunt's feather? Never work!)-#3237
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Have a seat while I take to the sky.#Tori Amos-#8739
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Cluck, cluck, gibble, gibble, my pa's a raving mushroom.#Blackadder IV-#4763
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test my weight on hose holder"# what kind of a text adventure command is that? "test my weight"- you're not carrying anything called "weight" anyway. As if."#149
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Frequency of circumcision increased from once in a lifetime to once a year.#Top 5-#7829
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A cat will almost always blink when hit with a sledgehammer.#-#620
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Distributed operating systems have many aspects in common with centralized ones, but also differ in certain ways.#Tanenbaum and van Renesse-Computing Surveys v17n4#5769
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Every interesting data structure is recursive.#-#6917
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If you don't want the stork to come, shoot in the air.#-#14596
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Greg [will be the first to mention unhinged in a national forum (newspaper, tv; not web)]. At my impeachment hearings. The rest of you will lie under oath to avoid being associated with me.#Jay Laefer-#8509
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God gave... legs to the horses, gills to the fish, wings to the birds, heads to the men, and brains to the women.#A. Namelesspoet-#8251
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Call it a rare instance of natural timidity overcoming the chronic distaste for morning commitments.#Berna Massingill-#4274
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I had a hard day at the orifice.#random gynecologist-#10898
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Do not search the basement, especially if the power has just gone out.#From A Horror Movie Character's Survival Guide-#5866
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I wish they all could be California girls.#-#12423
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Loosely translated, We should do this again" means "You will NEVER see me naked"."#Friends-#17926
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It takes Microsoft 10 years to get rid of the mess when you boot; why should we believe that you can make Windows easy to program in only two years?#Steve Jobs to Microsoft's J. Allchin-#16126
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Dying is a wild night and a new road.#Emily Dickinsom-#6522
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I had a lot of pimples too. One day I fell asleep in a library. I woke up and a blind man was reading my face.#Rodney Dangerfield-#10902
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A fool-proof method for sculpting an elephant: first, get a huge block of marble; then you chip away everything that doesn't look like an elephant.#-#813
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Is there a W3O-approved systax for Stellman-side includes yet?#Dan Martinez-#15660
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If your response to Chris really is going to contain a moral argument, I can't *wait* to see it. (And the LORD spake unto them# saying- 'Partake not of the fruits of the Xing player#14983
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If it ain't broke, hit it harder.#-#13953
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Anal expulsive... slurp and burp...#Dan Connolly-#2458
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If you wanna change the world, shut your mouth.#Cracker-#14842
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Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable we have to change it every six months.#Oscar Wilde-#7349
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Crime does not pay... as well as politics.#A.E. Newman-#5197
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Immorality will continue until beatings improve.#-#15054
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If we can't fix it, it ain't broke.#-#14377
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Infinity is one lawyer waiting for another.#-#15458
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God put me on this Earth to accomplish certain things. Right now, I am so far behind, I will never die.#Calvin-#8316
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DC couture is notoriously ordinary, as though they have a wedding at five, a funeral at six, and have dressed for the mean. It's because women do serious work here. New York women dress in case they will be photographed. DC women dress in case they have t#James Lileks-#5379
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I'd love to go out with you, but the last time I went out, I never came back.#-#12640
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If you want a language that tries to lock up all the sharp objects and fire-making implements, use Pascal or Ada: the Nerf languages, harmless fun for children of all ages, and they won't mar the furniture.#Scott Fahlman-#14843
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Kites rise highest against the wind -- not with it.#Winston Churchill-#17046
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Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue...#-#6738
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I'm a white male, aged 18 to 49. Everyone listens to my ideas, no matter how dumb.#Homer Simpson-grabbing for Nuts-n-Gum#12877
