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History flavors the winners.
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I get women naked, and pass the savings on to you.#Tony Halasohoris-#10841
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Cross a midget with a computer and you get a short circuit.#-#5215
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All you need to be a fisherman is patience and bait.#-#2134
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Don't look, 3 o'clock. I said don't look.#The Opposite Sex-#6204
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$10 Whatta you want $8 for? You know how much $6 is. Ok. Here's $4. (Gives son $2 and asks for $1 change).#Jewish Father-#226
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How come the dove gets to be the peace symbol? How about the pillow? It has more feathers than the dove, and it doesn't have that dangerous beak.#Jack Handey-#9772
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Here s a handy tip: Don t move your clocks forward or back an hour, like you re supposed to each Spring and Fall. By holding back that hour, you ll soon have enough saved up to take a day off from work!
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If you can't be good, be careful. If you can't be careful, give me a call.#-#14488
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A chicken is an egg's way of producing more eggs.#-#638
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Hartley's Second Law: Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself.#-#8711
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Go in pieces.#Sarah Esser-#8209
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I was wondering if it would be reasonable to model the Stalinist terror as a sudden chaotic nonperturbative backfiring of the smooth linearly perturbative engine of the Hegelian dialectic?#Patricia Schwarz-#12279
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Beauty is in the eye of the beheld.#-#3487
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Every knot has an unraveller in Allah.#-#6921
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If I hadn't seen such riches, I could live with being poor.#James-#13871
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Marge, Marge...the doll's trying to kill me and the toaster's been laughing at me.#Homer Simpson-#18294
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Caution: This stuff is addictive...#-#4444
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A child without a vision is at risk of failing and living only day to day.#Jim Lewis-#643
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I lost a button hole today.
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A nit is the larval stage of lice. It's not just a bug, it's a particularly disgusting bug.#Kerry Halpern-#1184
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Down is towards the enemy's gate.#Ender Wiggins-Ender's Game#6376
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Menu, n.: A list of dishes which the restaurant has just run out of.#-#18803
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Ignorance of the law excuses no man; not that all men know the law, but because 'tis an excuse every man will plead, and no man can tell how to refute him.#John Seldon-Table Talk, 1689#15002
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eYe aM kn0wn t0 uTher 16 yeaR 0ldz aZ thEE eMUl8r#Brad Barkett-#7265
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I would commit suicide, but I'm a health nut. I tried to overdose on herb tea. I didn't die, but now I'm REAL relaxed.#-#12457
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Being in the Pacific northwest instantly makes a female lots more attractive.#-#3598
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I HAVE a good excuse. I just have to think of it.#-#10968
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No .plan is a disaster.#-#20095
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in my experience, MS Exchange does little more than prevent your computer from being able to send mail. never make the mistake of installing it on your system.#Andrew Stellman-#15239
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FIRST RULE OF SUPERIOR INFERIORITY: Don't let your superiors know you're superior to them.#-#7502
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...dice aren't to tell a Storyteller what happens, dice are for SOUND EFFECTS#Daniel Chapman-#303
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Never wear a backward baseball cap to an interview unless applying for the job of umpire.#Dan Zevin-#19965
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Goblin your food is bad for your elf.#-#8226
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I've got 256K of RAM, so why can't I run Windows 3.0?#-#13418
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Digital information lasts forever... or five years, whichever comes first.#Jeff Rotherberg-#5681
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Bride, n.: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.#Ambrose Bierce-The Devil's Dictionary#3991
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If this video was a turd, it would be, like, the same thing. Only if it was a turd, it would be kinda cool.
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If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs, you must be at least a foot shorter than them.#-#14471
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Every week here at headquarters we get thousands of pieces of email, asking questions like How do I get online?
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I really don t think I need buns of steel. I d be happy with buns of cinnamon.
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A clean disk is the sign of a warped drive.#-#657
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Business is about making money. Anybody who tells you different is selling something. Probably securities.#Faisal Jawdat-#4091
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A Zen buddhist walks into a pizza place and says, Make me one with everything!""
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Ad astra per aspera. [To the stars by aspiration.]#-#1681
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I'm going to start making people pay me for forcing them to listen to their idiot opinions.#Dogbert-#12986
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I can see how this would make it a lot harder to apply oneself to work, especially at CMU, where work is so pointlessly and excruciatingly odious.#Bruce Sherrod-#10307
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Incumbent, n.: Person of liveliest interest to the outcumbents.#Ambrose Bierce-The Devil's Dictionary#15432
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Having children is hereditary: If your parents didn't have any, then you probably won't either.#-#8817
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Jumping into hyperspace ain't like dusting crops, boy!#Han Solo-#16823
